... turn back now!
it's going to come as no surprise to those of you who have spent any time with me over the last month or so that i've been in one hell of a funk. when the excitement and drama and exhaustion of the marathon wore off, all of a sudden i realized that i was stuck with just me again. no four hour long runs to distract me - no marathon glory to obsess over. and it turns out, i guess, that i don't much like being stuck with just me.
but running, for me, has always been a means of either running away or running to. lately, i think it's been about running away. i've been desperately planning long road trips and attempting to convince bridget to veer onto the highway on the way to school and take us far, far away from here. the "here," i thought, was a looming dissertation, conflict with professors, exhaustion, the city, etc. upon reflection, however, i think the "here" is actually me.
still, just as i was starting to despair over this sorry state of affairs, i decided to take my run today as a means of running to
, not running away. i tried to cultivate mindfulness: being mindful of every out-breath. i let the thoughts drift from my mind and listened to the slap of my two feet against the pavement. in other words, i spent some time with me, in me. and i found that i wasn't nearly as scary as i had feared.
i would encourage all of you to try, for one day, running to
. you just might be surprised at what you find.